I'm really into asian looking animals
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize