i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
