i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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