I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
