my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
