i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
