I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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