My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize