U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
