I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
