I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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