OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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