I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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