He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize