Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
this hospital has no fireball
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
