You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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