people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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