My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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