you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
