Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
