So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
