if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
