Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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