Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
