I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
