That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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