Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
