We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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