did you get engaged???
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
