Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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