You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
