K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
