Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
