Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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