He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
