I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
