Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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