Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
