Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
