what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
