did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
