I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize