he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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