and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize