First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
operation have a gay friend backfired
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
