it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
