Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize