it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
