I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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