You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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