There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
