I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
