I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His nipple licking is glorious
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