Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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