In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
