Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
This is not my ceiling
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
