haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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