she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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