he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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