So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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