There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
