im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
