i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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