I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
