He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
