I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think your dad took our porno
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
