I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
