A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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