Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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