absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my shit smells like andre
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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