your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
