its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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