I got her a Nickelback box set.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
