I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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