How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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