Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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