This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize