if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
