There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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