For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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