I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
