I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize