This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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