i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
