Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
