I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
