I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my poor anus
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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