you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
