I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Even the bartender felt bad for me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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