YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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