There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
