I hate your face
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
