Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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