I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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