I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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