I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
