dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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