So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
