she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
