I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
