you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
