you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
