He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
