she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
