Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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