just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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