whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
