So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
