Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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