I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
