what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
