is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
