I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
