Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
