I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
