Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
