My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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